


Positive Influence

by sixbeforelunch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Genre: Betty is a bad influence, Betty is not just the Hulk's girl, Burning Man, Crack, F/M, Gen, Recreational Drug Use, Tony is amused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixbeforelunch/pseuds/sixbeforelunch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Betty is a scientist with more important things to do than play Hulk wrangler. SHIELD would do well to remember this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Positive Influence

**Author's Note:**

> This exists because the first line of dialog has been running around in my head for days looking for context. Sorry?

"I am not the Hulk Whisperer," Betty mutters. 

Bruce still has his post-Hulk out hungover look, and he's naked, and there is smudged body paint on his chest and legs. His befuddled, "What?" is funnier than it would be if Betty were a better person.

Her cell phone rings and saves her from having to answer. Coulson is on the other end, and she can hear Tony positively cackling somewhere in the background. "The Director has promised to never again pull you away from your work to handle the Hulk unless there are actual lives in danger. Will you please bring him home now?"

Betty makes a small _hmm_ in the back of her throat. Bruce has his face buried in his hands, but he's watching her from between his fingers. "Your jackbooted thugs" (thanks to Dr. Selvig for that one) "forcibly removed me from a keynote presentation at a very important conference because you all got twitchy when Bruce took an extra twenty minutes to transform back into his non-smashy self."

"We're very sorry about that."

"I do not exist to act as the angel on Bruce's shoulder. He's perfectly capable of being his own moral compass, in either form." Bruce looks like he's about to disagree with her on that one. Betty glares at him until he holds up his hands in surrender. "It's insulting to him and to me."

"We understand."

"But if you really want me to _influence_ the Hulk, I will. No problem." Sometimes she misses her old flip phone. Pressing the end call button just isn't the same as snapping a phone shut in aggravation.

Bruce clears his throat. "Why do a smell like a pot farm? Are we at Burning Man? What is on my chest?"

"It turns out the big guy likes to hum the Mr. Rogers song when he's high. So that's something to add to your data sets. That was more recognizable as a painting of Frida Kahlo stomping on oil wells when your chest was bigger and less hairy. It made sense at the time. I think. The Hulk was a huge hit, by the way. You're invited back next year." She hands him pants. Nudity isn't going to turn any heads around here, but Bruce likes pants.

Bruce sighs. "You would think that SHIELD would remember that you are largely responsible for my entire pre-accident arrest record before they decided to use you as my unofficial handler..."

"You would think," Betty agrees. "So, Burning Man. If we hurry, we can be there for the burning of The Man."

It takes Bruce days to get the paint out of his chest hair, but SHIELD is much more respectful about asking Dr. Ross for her time after that.

**Author's Note:**

> About the arrest record: I have headcanon that Bruce and Betty were radicals when they were undergrads in college, and spent a lot of their time protesting large corporations profiteering from war and suffering. Betty in particular liked to protest military contractors, mostly to annoy her dad. Twice, they got arrested outside of Stark Industries when a protest got out of hand. (Tony loves this about them.)


End file.
